New Dear New York…

With $40 in my pocket and 2 bulging suitcases, I climbed the 5 flights of stairs to make it to my middle school friends’ 5th-floor walk-up apartment in the Lower East Side. It was a crisp November day and I felt a knot of excitement, dread, and a McDonald’s McGriddle I had eaten on the drive.

It was November 1, 2015, and I had no idea what to expect, but I was moving to New York City.

My middle school friend was kind enough to let me stay in his room for 2 weeks while he was out of town. I got a job working retail and began looking for auditions to attend for cruises, tours, regional shows, really anything that would pay me to sing, act, and dance.

At first, I spent my evenings going out with friends and drinking more than I should. Then I felt the tight pinch of New York rent, unlimited metro cards, and alcohol and my evenings quickly became a ritual of watching movies on my laptop over a greasy slab of $1 pizza.

I’m not sure what I expected New York City life to be like as an aspiring actress, but whatever rose-colored vision I had quickly faded into the dark reality of scrounging up pennies to pay for my pizza, showing up to an audition only to realize that I had left my headshot and resume at my apartment, and sitting alone at night so I wouldn’t spend money.

After a month and a half in the city, I drove the 12 hours home to North Carolina for Christmas. An endless stream of excited home-towners and old friends asked, “So, what’s life like in the Big Apple?” (Side note: they always call it the big apple. it’s never “the city” or “new york.” I always found that strange).

I hated that question because I didn’t know how to answer it.

I felt like everyone wanted me to say something along the lines of, “it’s great! I’m in final callbacks for Glinda in Wicked and have a studio apartment overlooking Central Park.”

But in reality, I just replied, “it’s really a lot like living here. Just more expensive and crowded.”

Womp womp.

I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to return to the city, but I was an actress and New York was where I was “supposed to be.”

So I went back.

I got involved with church. Found a babysitting job for the most amazing girls in Brooklyn. Made new friends. Worked 5 jobs. Auditioned sometimes. Wrote songs in my bed (my window overlooked the trash cans in the back alley — glamorous, I know).

About 6 months into city life, I finally started to feel like it was home.

….

I could talk for hours, maybe even days, about how much this city means to me. If you’ve ever driven in from New Jersey and seen the skyline at sunrise, you know what I mean.

This city oozes dreams, inspiration, hustle, thick skin, and thin crust.

Dreamers are the heartbeat that keeps this city going. No one moves to New York on accident. Everyone is driven by a deep need to cash in on their dreams.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my time in New York. I’ve walked through some of my deepest valleys in this concrete jungle (like being sued), and I’ve had many of life’s sweetest moments here (like meeting my husband and bringing home a dog).

These 5.5 years in the city have changed me. For good.

If you had told 22 year old me that I would be trading in my 750 square foot apartment on E 20th Street for a 700 square foot apartment 2 blocks from the beach in Santa Monica, I don’t know that I would have believed you. If you had told 22 year old me that not only would I be leaving New York, but that I haven’t been on Broadway, I coach actors on building a healthy and successful career and life, and that I would have a husband…I would honestly have thought you had mistaken me for someone else.

But God is just too good. I couldn’t have written a better New York story if I tried. New York is everything that you see in the movies, and it’s everything you read about in the books, and hear about in the songs. It is infectious. But New York is also like an abusive relationship sometimes that leaves you wondering why you moved here in the first place. New York is hard. Living here will radically change you from the inside out.

New York will always have the most special place in my heart.

But now I get to take everything that I’ve learned here and bring it with me across the country — along with my handsome hubby and precious angel of a dog.

Keep on dreaming, dreamer. God will surprise you with how He chooses to write your story, but I promise you that it will be better and bigger than you ever could have imagined on your own.

See you in Hollywood!

-Kat