New Year, Same Failures
If you’re anything like me, your social media news feed has been flooded with posts about 2021 being a year of hope. There has been an almost magical feeling around the clock striking midnight on December 31. In a lot of ways, I understand that. 2020 has been such an interesting and unpredictable year. But it’s just a year and the clock striking midnight on December 31 is just a checkmark that our planet has successfully made another trip around the sun.
Today is New Years Day. It’s also just Friday.
While I don’t disagree with setting goals and recognizing the new year as an opportunity for new growth, it’s also important that we don’t stake our hope in the last four digits of today’s date.
With that said, I’ve never really been one to pick a “word of the year.” However, last year my church asked each of us to come up with a one-word prayer for 2020 and so I chose the word “forbearance.” I didn’t really do much with that word myself, but people in my church were praying that word over my year and my life and, looking back, I see many ways in which that word really defined my 2020 experience.
Forbearance, in a Biblical sense, means self-control and having patience. When I chose this word back in 2020, I was really referring to wanting patience with my parents and husband in planning our wedding. As the year progressed, forbearance became more like a muttered word under my breath. In many ways, I was using the word forbearance as a way to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
I did this in many ways. When the lockdown began in March, I pulled myself out of depression and anxiety by writing songs. In the summer, I showed a real lack of forbearance by allowing myself to fall into stir craziness and anxiety over still being in lockdown and stressing over my wedding. In the latter parts of 2020, I’ve felt a sense of determination to not allow the year to have been for naught. I’ve been seeking meaning in journaling, attempting to write music, and cleaning the house.
However, this morning I woke up and sat down for my quiet time with the Lord and, as I was writing in my journal, I found myself writing the following:
Jesus, may 2021 be a year of submission to You and just allowing myself to live in awe of You. I don’t usually do words of the year, but maybe my word for this year is “awe”. I don’t want to ever be jaded or too tired or distracted to be in awe of You, Lord.
Awe. As I pondered on the word, I began to realize a few stark differences between forbearance and awe. Forbearance was a necessary word for 2020 because it meant being patient in the unknown. However, allowing myself to be in awe of the Lord in 2021 means acknowledging my not enough-ness and my absolute inability to pull myself up by my bootstraps and having a feeling of sheer wonder that the Lord still has the forbearance to put up with me. (See what I did there?)
According to Google’s dictionary, awe is “a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.” What I love about this definition is that the word awe allows fear and confusion to reside right next to reverential respect and wonder. Isn’t that the entire Christian experience in a nutshell? We have no clue what is going on most of the time and it’s so easy to feel fear and confusion and yet Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Being in awe means that no matter where our circumstances may find us, we continue to look upward to the one who tells us “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).”
I’m not sure how this word is going to show up in my day to day this year. However, what I stated in my journal is true. I never want my life to feel too busy or too important to make room to sit in awe of the Lord. Maybe this year I will live in awe by simply waking up every morning and submitting my day to the Lord. Maybe it means that I will write more worship songs.
My hope, however, is that living in awe will not only affect my life but the lives of those around me. I long to live in such a way that it’s obvious that Jesus is the King of my heart. Forbearance feels like a strong and heavy word. Awe is light and trusting. Awe is the act of taking Jesus’s yoke upon me.
I’m in the process now of choosing a passage of scripture to memorize this year. I know that the Lord will reveal it to me in due time, but for now, I have three options. I hope that these passages encourage you as you enter into this new year. My prayer for you, and for me, is that we would walk in reverent fear and awe of the Lord this day and every day. Amen and happy new year!
Let the whole earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him. (Psalm 33:8)
His voice shook the earth at that time, but now he has promised, Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens. This expression, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of what can be shaken — that is, created things — so that what is not shaken might remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful. By it, we may serve God acceptably, with reverence and awe, or our God is a consuming fire. (Hebrews 12:28–29)
I will speak of Your splendor and glorious majesty and your wondrous works.
They will proclaim the power of your awe-inspiring acts, and I will declare your greatness. (Psalm 145:5–6)
