Yes, I’m Still an Artist (Even if I’m not Creating Right Now)
As my husband and I were flying from New York to Tennessee for Christmas, I started thinking about how 2020 has probably been one of my least artistic years.
2018 saw my first solo show, 2019 saw the release of my first single and EP, and my first trips to Nashville for co-writes. But 2020 was not a year for music or performing.
At the beginning of the quarantine, I was planning a benefit concert and looking at venues for my next show. I had plans of releasing 9 songs throughout the year and taking a few trips back to Nashville. I was fully intending on singing into the dark smokey bars of NYC and wearing my musical lyrical heart on my sleeve.
But God had different plans for me in 2020. Instead, I lead worship virtually for 6 months. I did write a lot of songs for the first month or so of the lockdown and then I just stopped.
I started wearing my heart on my sleeve in different ways. I was preparing to become a wife and falling into a comfortable routine of working from home.
I’ve been writing like crazy but it hasn’t been in the form of songs. I’ve been writing blogs and journaling. In 2020 alone, I’ve been through 4 notebooks of just writing my thoughts out and allowing God to move in my heart.
I am desperate to write a song again and I know that I will. But for now, I don’t want to rush it.
I’m sharing this because if your year has looked less artistic or creative than planned, that’s okay. If you left your job in performing for a job you could still hold during the pandemic, good for you. If you traded the big city for your childhood bedroom and are scraping your soul to find your next path, good for you. That’s amazing.
I was asked the other day if I was making an excuse to give up after such a hard year, but no, I’m not making an excuse and I am still very much an artist even if people outside of my husband haven’t heard me sing in months.
This morning, I sang Christmas carols and danced in the shower. For those 10 minutes, I was a rockstar and performer again.
The creative child within me is still there. She just needed to refuel by doing something else for a time while the scraggly world around her sought out healing and comfort in this seemingly never-ending sequence of new normals.
I hope that 2021 brings with it more smokey bars and late nights and Subway singing and co-writes. But I also am so grateful for 2020 and what I’ve learned about both God and myself — the artist and the human. So in short, I just wanted to remind you (and myself) and that you are an artist even if you haven’t felt much like one in 2020.
Keep your chin up, friend.
